Have you ever heard someone say, “He (or she) is just a natural people person?” While some may seem to be natural speakers, few are natural listeners or innately possess all the needed communication skills.

As history teaches us, more often, great communicators are built, not born.

Winston Churchill struggled with a speech disability, likely a stutter and a slight lisp, but worked hard to become an exceptional speaker. Ultimately, his words inspired the British people to victory. When the famed Greek orator Demosthenes found it impossible to speak clearly, he practiced with speaking with pebbles in his mouth. 

Few of us have difficulties as severe as Churchill or Demosthenes. But we all have areas in which we’d like to improve. Do you wish to build confidence, become a better listener, ask good questions, or speak into the lives of others?

With practice, you can become a better people person. Here are five beginning strategies. 

1. Be Others-Focused

There are only two types of people in the world—fountains and drains. One individual can step into a room and breathe life, while another can enter and suck the oxygen out. What’s the difference between the two?

At the core, one person is focused on others while the other is primarily focused on self. The individual who is others-focused takes initiative and takes interest. Rather than waiting, they follow the example of Christ, who came first to us.

Proverbs 18:24 says, “A man that hath friends must show himself friendly.” In other words, focus on others. 

2. Be Excited

Daniel Lapin observes, “Apart from anything else, people with expressive faces who are really passionate about something are just more fun to interact with.” This does not mean you have to be overly dramatic. Every personality is different, and excitement takes different forms for different people. 

But expressiveness does mean that you learn to notify your face of the joy in your heart. People can tell if you’re trying to use them, or if you’re genuinely excited about them and what they’re doing. 

3. Be a Sincere Listener

Some have the “gift of gab,” but what about the gift of the listening ear? Which ultimately is more valuable? It’s been said that no one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care. Through listening you demonstrate that the other person really matters to you.

Exceptional listening requires not simply the ears, but also the heart. A sincere listener will seek to identify the topic the other person is most excited about, listen, and then encourage or challenge.

When you’ve asked good questions and truly listened, consider following-up later to ask the person about the things you discussed. Remember their name and use it the next time you meet.

4. Be Competitive 

How does being competitive fit into relationships? The best kind of competitiveness is outdoing one another in love. As Acts 20:35 says, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.”

In other words, try to put more into a relationship than you get out of it. Ask yourself, “Am I being a good friend?” When two people are both committed to doing so, incredible things happen. 

True love doesn’t keep score. Rather, true love excitedly serves others. 

5. Be Gracious and Thoughtful

As a rule, always expect more of yourself than you do of others. Choose to overlook social awkwardness, missteps, or poor communication in others. Rather than ridiculing or sending subtle signals, seek to make the other person feel as comfortable as possible. Set them at ease. Forgive, remaining focused on Christ and the mission to serve others. Even in conflict, balance grace and truth.

Respect private space. Use thoughtful gifts and notes. “Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets” (Matthew 7:12).

The Power of Relationships

Christ said, “By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another” (John 13:34). Sadly, Christians when Christians fail to treat others with respect and compassion, the name and message of Christ is tarnished.

We are Christ’s ambassadors to a watching world. What message do our relationships communicate? You may be the only Bible some people read. When someone opens the pages of your life, what does it say?

Question: How does becoming an exceptional people person help the intentional Christian better advance God’s kingdom?