Permission to Say No: 3 Truths About This Unlikable Word

The word no is likely not a favorite in our vocabulary. Although we may attempt the Herculean task of pleasing all people, such an effort is simply impossible. Following God requires choosing between differing people and activities. Often, the decision is not easy.

Last fall, my Mother planned a special dinner for our entire family, including my married siblings and their spouses.

The day before, a friend asked my assistance with a project right before dinner. I wanted to help him because I knew he was under a tight deadline. I reasoned that if we completed the project quickly, Cassidy and I could be back in time for dinner.

As often happens, the project took longer than planned. By the time Cassidy and I arrived home, the entire family was waiting on us.

In my desire to please all people, I broke a commitment. In that moment, I realized that by saying yes to my friend, I had said no to my family.

From my failings, the Lord has shown me three important truths regarding the word no. These truths remind us to seek God’s will above all, rather than saying yes to commitments we cannot keep.

1. We Can’t Do Everything At Once

We serve an amazing God who desires to strengthen us every day. Our problems begin when we think that we possess His omnipotence, omnipresence, and omniscience.

My father-in-law understood that his family would never be strong unless they made difficult choices. Many times, their family was presented with several evening activities outside the home to choose from. Often, my father-in-law declined those activities in order to spend more time with his family. He acknowledged the fundamental life reality that he could not do everything else outside his home and build a strong family at the same time.

Every day, we choose which things to focus on and which things to ignore. Have you ever attempted carrying on a conversation while texting? It’s difficult to simultaneously do both with excellence.

It is only by God’s power that we can accomplish the truly important things. After describing God’s incredible character and power, Isaiah 40 concludes with this familiar verse, “But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”

As Philippians 4:13 states, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

We cannot do everything at once, but we can complete God’s will by God’s strength.

2. Every Time We Say No to One Thing We’re Saying Yes to Another

In the words of Michael Hyatt, “Every time we say no to something that is not important, we are saying yes to something that is: our work, our relationships, our resources, our margin.”

Last fall, Cassidy and I were forced to exercise intentionality. Due to the harvest, life was busier than normal. We intentionally said no to many godly and edifying evening activities. Why did we say no? We realized that our relationship was more important than those other things. By saying no to those activities we said yes to a strengthened relationship.

A couple weeks ago, my Mother asked if I would like to walk with her. Although I had additional researching and writing to do, I chose the walk instead. I had to say no to one thing and yes to another.

Next time you feel torn between a myriad of options, ask, “What is God’s best?” Pursuing that answer will lead you to say no to the least important things in order to say yes to the most important.

3. We Cannot Please All People, But We Can Strive to Please God

Someone once wisely said, “If you try to please everybody, you’ll end up pleasing nobody.”

As the introductory story illustrates, when I tried to please both my family and my friend, I failed miserably. Though I can never meet the needs of everyone else, I can strive to obey the voice of God.

In Luke 22:42, Christ prayed, “Not my will, but thine, be done.” Christ stated in John 8:29, “I do always those things that please Him [The Father].”

We do not live to please our community, our friends, our church, or our family. We live to please God alone (I Peter 4:10-11, Acts 5:29).

We will answer only to God. Romans 14:12 says, “So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.”

We can easily compare our schedules to the schedules of our friends, rather than to the will of God. 2 Corinthians 10:12 warns, “For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they comparing themselves by themselves and measuring themselves among themselves, are not wise.”

God, not those around you, must be the ultimate standard for everything that you do. Do you live for the praise of men or the praise of God?

Just because you can do something doesn’t necessarily mean you should. In determining your schedule, never ask, “Can I do this?” Rather, ask, “Does God want me to do this?”

Eliminating the Fluff

To be Intentional Christians, we must learn to say no. First, we must humbly realize that we cannot do everything. Next, we must say no to lesser things so we can say yes to God’s best. Last, we must live only to please God, not others.

As you learn to say no, you will discover the freedom of pursuing God’s will. Saying no will rarely be easy, but saying yes to God’s priorities will always be worth it.

Last week, I challenged you to make a list of priorities. If you’ve not made the list yet, I encourage you to do so today.

With your priorities in front of you, make a list of all your current commitments. First, evaluate those commitments in light of God’s priorities. Second, ask God, “Should I cross off any of these commitments from the list? If yes, how many?”

There will always be countless good things to do. There is only one best thing to do — the will of God.

Question: Do you struggle with saying no? What is God asking you to say no to today? 

Recommended Resources

Redeeming the Time by Steve Maxwell

Living Life Forward by Michael Hyatt

168 Hours by Laura Vanderkam

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

Getting Things Done by David Allen

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