This September, Cassidy and I will celebrate three years of marriage. We both agree they’ve been the very best three years of our lives. 

By God’s grace, our family of two has become a family of four, with the arrivals of Wallace and Winston. We’re thankful for the lessons the Lord has taught us along the way.

While marriage is a solemn responsibility, it’s also a most wonderful joy. Here are seven things that have brought us more joy in marriage.

1. Laugh, A Lot

As Proverbs 17:22 says, “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.” Laughter is the perfect antidote for stress, and has the ability to defuse tense situations.

Growing up, I remember that my Mother had a plaque on her desk that read, “Memories with my children are more important than their messes.”

Amid the many responsibilities of family life, it’s so important to find humor. We love to laugh at Wallace’s funny little sentences and our many collective family idiosyncrasies.

Each family needs to have their own unique brand of family humor. Often there are things we find funny that others would just shake their heads at. But that’s fine! Just because others wouldn’t find something funny, doesn’t mean you can’t have a ball about it!

2. Outdo Each Other

Just like our relationship with Christ, marriage should become increasingly deeper and sweeter with the passing years.

Selfless acts of thoughtfulness add up. When both husband and wife focus on understanding and serving the other as best as possible, wonderful things happen. 

JR Miller says, “There is no place in the world where the amenities of courtesy should be so carefully maintained as in the home… Between husband and wife there should be maintained without break or pause, the most perfect courtesy, the gentlest attention, the most unselfish amiability, the utmost affectionateness.” 

3. Encourage

John C. Maxwell observes, “Encouragement is oxygen for the soul.” We all need it. “It takes very little effort to give it, but the return in others is huge.” 

How can you encourage your spouse? Write a thoughtful note, give a genuine compliment or an affirming smile. Focus on their love language. In just one moment, you can lift someone’s spirits with heartfelt affirmation.

Cassidy is my greatest encourager. I know that she believes I could do anything God called me to do. Her belief inspires me to give my best every day.

4. Replace Stress with Gratitude 

In the bustle of life, work tensions can spill over into family. Raising children isn’t always easy. In tense moments, we have two options. (1) Be grateful, or (2) become overwhelmed by stress about something we can’t change anyways. When possible, we try to see the positive outlook and humor in things that we can’t change. 

About a year ago, we had a flat tire on a road trip. It certainly wasn’t what we were planning for, but in the end, the experience of changing that tire made our adventure more memorable. 

As G.K. Chesterton once said, “When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or takethem with gratitude.”

5. Pray Together

I Peter 3:7 says, “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”

In every way, husband and wife are to be one, even spiritually. Praying together is one way that brings a couple closer together spiritually together.

6. Establish Traditions

Family traditions have the power to bring husband and wife, and the entire family closer together, stamping indelibly upon their memories for the rest of time. Additionally, well-crafted traditions build excitement within a home. 

There’s nothing more thrilling than what’s happening within the four walls of our home. After all, it only takes two (and now four of us) to make a party. Family meals and conversations, family devotions, reading to Wallace, snuggling with Winston, walks outside, game nights, and movie nights are some of our favorite traditions.

7. Remember Your Divine Part

God has given you the most noble calling on earth! Marriage is a solemn responsibility, for upon husbands and wives is conferred the mission of reflecting the relationship between Christ and the Church. Ephesians 5 says simply, “Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands… Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it.” Yet the applications of these great truths are limitless. 

Peter Marshall said it well. “Marriage is not a federation of two sovereign states. It is a union, domestic, social, physical, spiritual.” This divine union works only as well as husband and wife fulfill their obligations to God and each other.

In the end, God is the common denominator for a harmonious marriage.

Where Does Joy in Marriage Come From?

Our modern culture is dead set on obtaining happiness. Yet they will never find happiness until they submit to Christ and focus on others. For truly, in marriage, as in all of life, we only find joy as we submit to Christ. 

Ephesians 5 closes with these words, “This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the Church.” Essentially, God is telling us that marriage is not about us! It’s about reflecting the relationship between Christ and the bride for which He died. In this way, marriage is at the very heart of the gospel.

Marriage is to be joy-filled, but that joy itself is not the end goal of marriage. The ultimate purpose of marriage is to glorify Christ. Only through submitting to Him do we find true joy.

May we all seek to reflect Christ with our marriages, and as we do so may we find abundant joy in serving Him.

Question: Why is a sweet marriage so powerful?