Four Lessons on Sibling Relationships from Jacob’s Sons
Sibling relationships can be immensely rewarding. But they also require lots of hard work.
I grew up in a home with 5 brothers and 4 sisters. While we loved each other, we had to learn that over time.
As a husband and father today, I realize more fully how critically foundational healthy sibling relationships are to life. Recently, my two older brothers, Carson and Mitchell, and I butchered a cow together. As we worked and talked, I was reminded what a blessing our relationship is. I know we wouldn’t have that now if we hadn’t put in good things previously.
Sibling Relationships in the Bible
The Bible is filled with numerous examples of sibling relationships. While we find a few heartwarming examples (like Andrew and Peter or Aaron, Moses and Miriam), we also confront tragic relationships (like Cain and Abel or Absalom and Amnon). One of the most horrific examples is that of Abimelech (Judges 9), who had 70 of his brothers killed! Only one escaped.
Today, we’ll learn four life lessons from the sibling relationships of Jacob’s twelve sons. While we’ll learn just how far unresolved tensions can go, we’ll also discover the amazing power of redemption in relationships.
Lesson #1: Rivalry vs. Unity
Does the phrase “sibling rivalry” sound familiar? Well, you’re not the only one whose ever dealt with that!
Sibling rivalry was no stranger to Joseph and his brothers. Unfortunately, this rivalry was fueled in part by Jacob’s favoritism, displayed by making his favorite son the famous coat of many colors. After Joseph shared his dreams with his brothers, they only “hated him the more.”
Sadly, Jacob’s sons had no stellar example to look to. Consider that it was Jacob who took advantage of his own brother Esau, deceptively taking both the birthright and the blessing.
When faced with conflict, siblings have two choices. They can battle one another, or they can lay aside their differences and work together to advance the Kingdom. Take James and John, for example. This dynamic duo were called “the sons of thunder!” Now just imagine what might have happened before they learned to channel all that energy in the right direction.:)
Lesson #2: Revenge vs. Forgiveness
If not resolved correctly, sibling rivalry inevitably builds up to greater problems, as happened in the case of Jacob’s sons. The relationship got so bad that they even discussed killing Joseph. Instead, they sold him into slavery, then concocted a fable to deceive their own father.
Whether they killed Joseph or just sold him into slavery, the heart attitude was the same. As Christ said in Matthew 5, “Ye have heard that it was said of them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment: But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment.”
As I John 3:14 says, “Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him.” Forgiveness begins in the home. Those who cannot resolve conflicts at home will face a much more difficult struggle later in life.
Despite all that his brothers did to him, Joseph learned to forgive. Not only did he forgive his brothers–he forgave those who deeply wronged him in Egypt.
Lesson #3: Responsibility vs. Victim Mentality
With Joseph in Egypt, the brothers’ lives took various directions. No contrast is starker than the contrast between Genesis 38 and Genesis 39.
It would have been easy for Joseph to have used his brothers and his circumstances as a pretext to comply with Potiphar’s wife. Why did Judah, an older brother, succumb to temptation?
You can, like Joseph, rise above your circumstances. Or you can play the victim. No matter your life or family situation, God holds you responsible to live for His glory. Joseph’s situation was far from ideal, but he let God use it for good.
In falling to moral temptation, Judah and his older brother Reuben abdicated their responsibility to God and to their younger siblings. They neglected the tremendous power that older siblings hold over younger siblings.
Do you bring your siblings closer to Christ or pull them farther away? Be like Andrew, who brought Peter to Jesus.
Lesson #4: Redemption vs. Cynicism
It’s never too late to make amends, as long as there’s still breath. Remarkably, Judah, the brother who took the lead in selling Joseph, also took the lead in reconciliation. God changed both him during Joseph over the years.
And God can change you and me.
Your sibling relationships may not be as you wished them to be. Maybe you feel like you’ve wasted some years. Nevertheless, you can find redemption and restoration through the power of forgiveness.
In John 7, we read that even Christ’s own brothers wouldn’t believe on him. Yet today, we have the privilege to read two books written by his brothers, James and Jude.
God can heal and restore broken relationships, if we’ll just give him the pieces and surrender to his plan.
Abundant Sibling Relationships
We greatly anticipate the arrival of our sweet baby this spring. It is our prayer that Wallace and our baby on the way will have a close, meaningful relationship that allows them be an incredible force for God’s kingdom.
Whether in my family or yours, there’s an incredible power in abundant sibling relationships. John says, “By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.”
That love begins in our homes.
May God raise up an army of transformed siblings who will love him, build each other up, and then go on to change the world together.
Question: How can sibling relationships be used for good or ill?
4 Comments
George Craig · February 7, 2020 at 7:38 am
Joshua, I’m guessing there is a very small percentage of people in our culture who would see butchering a cow as a brother-bonding activity. However, I think the readers of your blog are mostly in that demographic that would see it that way. It made me smile to read that story. I have bonded with my family over butchering animals also, although not a cow (yet). There is something special about working together to accomplish a task or provide for a need (like food) together. It’s something that families need to practice regularly.
Joshua Bontrager · February 7, 2020 at 1:17 pm
Mr. Craig,
Good point! It’s interesting that for most of recorded history the average person would have been quite familiar with the process of butchering. It’s only in the past hundred years or so, that we’ve become further removed from the source of our food.
I totally agree that working together (on any project!) is a great way to bond. There’s nothing like the sense of accomplishment at the end. It’s also a reminder of how much we all need each other in life.
Ann · February 6, 2020 at 10:10 am
An excellent post Josh!
How can sibling relationships be used for good or ill?
One phrase that is often heard in this house is ‘it’s not enough to set an example, you need to set the right example’. When you have a dynamic where a younger sibling really looks up to an older sibling it can be fantastic (when the younger one is trying to emulate responsibility/diligence/empathy/other positive traits), or potentially dangerous (when those traits are not good such as irresponsibility/aggression/etc).
As a parent, encouraging individuality while maintaining cohesiveness as a family is a balancing act – it’s challenging enough with four, that your parents managed it with 10 children is both mind-blowing and a credit to them!
Joshua Bontrager · February 7, 2020 at 1:21 pm
Ann,
Thank-you!
That’s phrase is an excellent reminder for all siblings. I’m so grateful for my parents. They certainly weren’t perfect (and they wouldn’t claim to be), but they encouraged us siblings to make one another our best friends. By the grace of God, that encouragement helped us learn to cooperate with each other, love each other, and work through our differences.
Keep up the good work with your family! You all (as do all parents) have an incredible God-given opportunity to prepare your children for life.