Life Lessons From My Father

Travel to any American prison, and you will find the same heartbreaking story repeated millions of times. Most of the almost 2.3 million individuals incarcerated in prisons all across our nation are simply repeating a vicious cycle of generational neglect and tragedy. These scarred lives are casualties of the modern attack on biblical fatherhood. Most never experienced a strong, loving, Christian father.

The barbed wire that keeps the men within the prison walls represents a strange paradox. Every man made his own choice and will answer to God for his actions (Ezekiel 18). Every thief, murderer, adulterer, and abuser is fully responsible for breaking God’s transcendent law.

Equally true, many fathers across America will answer to God for not properly stewarding the life He entrusted to their care (I Samuel 3:12). No father can escape responsibility by leaving the mother with the precious bundle of life. From the moment of his son’s conception, the father must provide spiritually, physically, and emotionally (I Timothy 5:8).

The Generational Influence of Fathers

While some sons have broken the shackles of the past through God’s grace, many remain chained in generational bondage because their fathers failed in their duty (Exodus 20:5). According to the National Center for Fatherhood, “Children from fatherless homes are more likely to be poor, become involved in drug and alcohol abuse, drop out of school, and suffer from health and emotional problems.” They are also “more than twice as likely to commit suicide.”

As recounted in the Alumni Bulletin of the University of Virginia, the following story from the life of Robert E. Lee illustrates this powerful sway fathers hold over their sons:

When his eldest son, General Custis Lee, was a very little child, his father took him to walk in the snow one winter’s day. For a time he held the little fellow’s hand, but soon the boy dropped behind. Looking over his shoulder, he saw Custis imitating his every movement, with head and shoulders erect, putting his little feet exactly in his father’s foot-prints. “When I saw this,” said the General, “I said to myself, it behooves me to walk very straight, when this fellow is already following in my tracks.”

In countless ways, the tracks my father left have shaped my life forever. Through his life and words—but mostly through his life—he instilled within my soul priceless truths and convictions. In light of Father’s Day, I wish to share four of the most important lessons my father taught me.

1. My Father Taught Me Why

Untold numbers of young people have left the faith of their fathers because they understood what, but not why.

My father stressed the importance of moral purity, showing me how lack of moral discipline ruins countless men. He shared his failings and regrets, and warned me not to repeat the mistakes of his youth. My father taught me why children were a blessing (Psalm 127:3-5). My experience confirmed that biblical reality as my parents treated us as precious gifts from God, taught us to love one another, and created many fond childhood memories. 

Most importantly, he knew the Bible had to be his sole guide for all of life. It would have been far easier for him to have drawn every conviction and belief from one church or movement. Yet he discovered that a lasting multi-generational vision would have to instill convictions rooted in God’s Word. He taught us to love the Bible and to make God’s Word alone the final authority for all of life (Acts 17:11).

2. My Father Taught Me the Value of Hard Work

At a young age, my father gave me defined responsibilities on the farm. I discovered that “The righteous man regardeth the life of his beast, but the tender mercies of the wicked are cruel” (Proverbs 12:10).

My father tasked me with jobs I didn’t always enjoy, thereby teaching me that true men always execute their duty and never shirk hardship or discomfort for the sake of following Christ. He worked alongside me, building our relationship and teaching me disciplined manliness through hard physical labor.

3. My Father Walked Before God in Humility 

He was never attempted to pretend he perfect; instead, he was transparent about his failures. Had he worn a facade, his teaching and training would have been worthless, for few follow a hypocrite. 

Growing up, I watched my father make difficult decisions and step outside his comfort zone because he realized that he would one day answer to God for the stewardship of his family. Watching my father willingly weather criticism taught me that true men follow God, not the crowd.

4. My Father Loved His Children More Than Money

When many of us children were still little, my father knelt down in a small hotel room in Missouri, as he cried out to the Lord for his family. At the time, he ran a thriving business, selling agricultural supplies to dairy farmers across the Midwest. In that hotel room, the Lord pierced his heart with the words of Malachi 4:5-6, convicting him that his heart was not truly turned toward his family, but that he was far more focused on earning the next dollar than he was on discipling the next generation.

In that moment, my father grasped a truth noted by an author over 100 years ago:

“The fathers should awake to the fact that they have something to do in making the life of their own homes besides providing food and clothing and paying taxes and bills. They owe to their homes the best influences of their lives.”

“No piling up of this world’s treasures can compensate a man for the loss of those incomparable jewels, his own children.”

The next few years saw some radical changes in his life. He sold his business, came home, and began a dairy farm so he could work with his sons.

While many fathers would have followed the highest paying job, my father sought God’s best. While God has certainly blessed my father monetarily since that day, the greatest reward my father now gains is that of watching his children walk in truth (III John 1:4).

Gratitude and Duty

I thank my Heavenly Father for giving me an incredible earthly father. And I thank my dad for loving me and teaching me many invaluable lessons through words and example.

No matter your age, reflect on the things you are most grateful for about your father, the sacrifices he made for you, and the qualities in him you most admire. Too often, we allow faults to cloud out true gratitude. What are you most grateful for about your biological father, spiritual fathers, or your Heavenly Father? 

This Father’s Day, reflect on the things you are most grateful for about your father, the sacrifices he made for you, and the qualities in him that you most admire. Choose to look for the positive rather than the negative.

Thank your father publicly, pray for him constantly, and seek to honor him daily. If you treasure your father, you can reflect with gratitude in your heart to God who gave you one of his greatest gifts, your father.

Question: What are you most grateful for about your father? If you never knew your biological father, what are you grateful for about your spiritual fathers or your Heavenly Father?